Page 26 - C.A.L.L. #23 - Spring 2004
P. 26
KALEIDOSCOPE
Geoph Kozeny offers us what seems to me to be good advice, out of his rich personal experience – in
“Happily Never After”:
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To me the question of how people for your relationships .) And beware process : friends lovers extended
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get along , cooperate and resolve a second fairy tale trap many family , community members or a
their conflicts is far more interesting people mistakenly believe that they support group with the ability to
- and empowering - than the story need someone or something else work with challenges similar to what
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of how they initially got together . (. .,e g a mate or a community in you ' re facing-and hopeful1y including
Here are some hopefully helpful order to feel whole or complete . a person or two who have already
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suggestions , based on my The fact is , people who feel whole been through it . It s much easier to
observation of thousands of folks and happy within themselves tend keep your vision and intention in
pursuing what they hoped would be to make the best partners for a co- perspective when your peers know
sustainable community and creative relationship . what you are up to and are there
sustainable relationships : to offer encouragement and to
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serve as a sounding board And
Step : 1 The hard work of when you fall short of your stated
relationship becomes considerably goals (such as that especially tough
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easier if we ' re aware of or at least one : transparency ), they can
forewarned about , the probable lovingly remind you not to be too
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challenges . That way when setting hard on yourself , and that bad
our expectations we can allow habits instilled in us since birth may
sufficient time , energy , and require an extended , diligent effort
resources for working through the before the conscious reprogramming
BY GEOPH KOZENY
difficult stuff that wil1 inevitably can take hold .
surface . Yet the fairy-tale outlook
so deeply ingrained by our culture Step 3 : Learn to communicate Step : 5 Celebrate your life ,
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often has the opposite effect : clearly , and to listen carefully including whatever progress you ' ve
planting overly simplified images in Aspire to be "transparent " ( totally made in finding yourself , manifest-
our consciousness that breed unreal- open and honest , with no withhold- ing your relationships , and letting
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istic expectations . So study the ing ) about your thoughts feelings your light shine These celebrations
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pattern enough to learn the basics fears , and concerns ask for 100 can be formal or informal public or
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and prepare yourself for some percent of what you want 100 private . What s important is that
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challenging yet growthful ( and percent of the time ; and be able to in the face of ever-present growth
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ultimately satisfying ) work hear and accept a "no " in response opportunities " ( . .,e challenging
There are many approaches for situations ), you take the time to
Step 2 : Look within to learn what learning these skills - check out rune into what you ' ve accomplished
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you really value at your core , your your nearest library or bookstore . and what ' s working in your life
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likes and dislikes , your inclinations (Examples "active listening ," the Otherwise the challenges begin to
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and natural talents , and your needs ZEGG Forum , Susan Campbell s assume a bigger chunk of your
It
and wants . (' s so critical to book Getting Real, Marshall attention than they rightfully
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understand the difference between Rosenberg ' s " Nonviolent Commu- deserve , and you ll very likely get
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needs and wants ! If you know that nication " process knocked off center and pulled into
something is a "want ," you have discouragement or depression .
far more flexibility to take it or Step 4 : Make sure you have regular Celebrating your successes helps
leave it , and thus much greater contact with understanding folks keep everything in perspective .
latitude to negotiate workable terms who are supportive of your growth
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Geoph Kozeny has lived in various communities for 30 years and for the last 15 years has been on the road visiting over
350 communities . He recently released Visions of Utopia, a video documentary about intentional communit ,ies and is now
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editing a follow-up video profiling 11 additional communities Geoph loves to give presentations on the history reality and
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lessons of shared living . geoph@ic org
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