Page 8 - C.A.L.L. #43 - Winter 2017

While part of that openness comes from a “you do you” acceptance of diversity common enough in
urban centers, what commune life offers uniquely is a promise of sanctuary. As evidence of the
community’s success at addressing feminist concerns of gender-based violence, members often quip
that “women feel safe walking alone on the paths at night,” and any woman who learned how to walk
across a dark parking lot with her keys protruding from her fist will recognize the significance of that
statement. But public spaces are often unsafe in other ways for people who are visibly queer, and
Stephan says that Twin Oaks gives a sense of physical safety to LGBT folks: “Knowing each other and
knowing the group’s commitment to nonviolence, there’s no fear of attack when going about your daily
life. You would have to have your guard up if you were in the mainstream, and at Twin Oaks you don’t.
You you don’t really realize what a relief that is until you don’t have think about it all the time. It’s not a
small thing.”

Photo: Brad Kutner

And the security offered by commune life is more than physical. People sometimes come to Twin Oaks
from less-than-ideal domestic situations, forced by economic vulnerability to maintain unhealthy family
relationships. Daniel, a 21-year-old gay man, says moving to Twin Oaks has allowed him to shift focus
from survival towards self-actualization.

“Before I moved here I pretty much assumed I would never have relationships that satisfied me. Because
I don’t have to scramble to get my needs met, I feel like I have a lot more options for how I want to live,
structure work, who I want to hang out with. I finally promised myself that I wouldn’t enter into
relationships that won’t work for me, and I’m much less insecure about my sexuality in general.”

While the commune lifestyle won’t appeal to everyone, what it has in common with queer culture is a
questioning of received wisdom. Which of our default beliefs nurture us, and which stifle us? When the
physical, emotional, and financial constraints on our lives are removed, what versions of ourselves will
unfold? Says Daniel, “The kinds of relationships you want are absolutely possible. You just have to put
yourself in a place where they can flourish.” This is a lesson we can all take to heart.

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