Page 7 - C.A.L.L. #43 - Winter 2017

Philadelphia. For them, moving to a commune was the logical end of their coming-out process.

“I realized a crush on the same gender, realized I needed to rethink the default of heterosexuality, and
then I asked myself what other defaults I needed to question. Religion, history, it’s like dominoes. Now I
share income, housing, cars, everything.”

Like other Twin Oak residents, Stephan now lives in a house with ten to twenty adults, and works for
“labor credits” instead of money, pocketing only about $1000 of spending money each year while the
rest goes toward common expenses like food and medicine. For many of us living in the US, this level of
counter-consumer sharing would be considered extreme, but for Stephan, that’s part of the appeal;
“I enjoy personally a specific definition of queer that’s related to subversive politics, going against the
grain of people telling you how you should
be in the world.”

The process also works in reverse: If one can
question, and reject, the norms of personal
bank accounts and private living spaces,
what else is up for consideration? Then the
answer is ‘everything’. The handbook
distributed to new members encourages
personal exploration, calling Twin Oaks “a
safe place for playing with your definition of
self.” Sometimes that exploration illuminates
new sexual behaviors and identities:
Stephan says they kissed men for the first
time after moving to Twin Oaks, while one of
Photo: Brad Kutner
their current partners came out fully as a
lesbian after joining. Many new members
dive into polyamory upon their arrival. But other changes are more subtle, and personal. Valerie just
recently began growing her natural facial hair. As a yoga instructor in local towns, she had to grapple
first with the concern of how her non-commune students would see her.

“I decided to just let my light shine, be who I am, and let people who were drawn to that be drawn,” she
says. “I feel much freer to be who I am here.”

Recognition of the blurred boundaries of gender likely contributes to the cultural acceptance of queer
bodies. For decades, Twin Oak residents have been using the gender-neutral pronoun “co” in their
official documents, keeping bathrooms open to all, and encouraging playful dress among adults and
children alike.

Adder, a 29-year-old new father, is grateful that the children of Twin Oaks see adults exploring all the
options of gender presentation. Although identifying as a straight man, his relationship to that identity
has shifted since he moved to the community and started wearing skirts regularly, as many straight men
at Twin Oaks do. When another member threw a “Genderbender” themed party, one of the commune’s
children was confused about why people were cheering a man who arrived at the party wearing a skirt
and blouse. Adder explains,

“She just didn’t get it. As the kids grow older, I think the gender markers will become clear to them, but
because they experience so many of their early years without feeling the need to divide the world on
gender lines, they’ll be more open their whole lives.”

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