Page 6 - C.A.L.L. #36 - Summer 2013

I Live with Another Man's Wife

The challenges and rewards of intentional community.

By Matt Conner
http://www.relevantmagazine.com

Actually, I live with three men's wives. Of course, my own is also there, along with
the others’ corresponding husbands, so it’s hardly as scandalous as it could sound.
Then again, judging by the response of most people around us - including our
families - you’d think I’d left it at the first statement…

Oh yes, the questions: Oh my goodness, what do you do about bathrooms? We have
three and manage just fine. How can you possibly have any privacy? The house is
plenty big, although you can expect some level of sacrifice there. And money? We
all throw into a common purse.

“Wouldn’t it be great if we could just say good night and head upstairs rather than
having to drive home?” was the commonly stated question among my wife and me and
some of our best friends. Another foursome of married couples approached us once
they heard we were spinning the idea in our own heads. And after three months of
brainstorming and planning, we moved in together.

In this economic climate, and with my job as a part-time pastor, it also helped that
my wife and I could live for a few hundred bucks a month - which includes
everything from groceries to Internet access. In our scenario, each couple pays the
same amount over what we need, giving us a monthly grant to give away to a
neighbor in need or a non-profit. We’ve covered our neighbor’s electric bill, given
money to a local women’s shelter and sponsored a family for Christmas. Communal
living has provided our group the ability to be generous.

And even though I enjoy a wonderfully healthy marriage, there are moments when
outside support is necessary for my role as a pastor and as a regular person. Within
our house, we’ve enjoyed times of singing together, impromptu prayer sessions and
accountability. Some serious hardships have surprised a few in the house, and
having close, committed relationships at arm’s length eases the pain and provides
perspective, reminding us we’re in this mission together.

Difficult conversations confronting someone for the things they are (or aren’t)
doing. Worse yet, being challenged by someone you live with because you’re injuring
the community with an attitude or behavior. These are the common currency in an
economy of communal living. Your heart is exposed. Your best intentions are found
lying on the floor. And there’s no place to hide in the open garden you’ve created.

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