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that “Twin Oaks is the closest physical-world manifestation of my internal-personal value system” she has
found. She notes that she has, in her words, “never seriously considered leaving. I have imagined what it
would be like to live in a different kind of community (smaller, more spiritual, in another culture) but the
longer I stay, the less I entertain these thoughts.”

Like Valerie, Laird says that one of the most important benefits of intentional community is that, in his
words, “it’s a place where I can try to integrate my ideals into everyday living, which includes trying to
live a sustainable lifestyle on the ecological, social, and economic planes.”

The social plane leads to the next lesson:

Step 3: A community focused on inner and outer peace is one that nurtures deep connections
and relationships among members.

Intentional community, to Jenny, has afforded the opportunity to form relationships that she values. She
notes that having a lot of people know you in a deep way “is a real eye opening experience.” She adds
that “it’s easy to like somebody you don’t know that well. But to like someone when you’ve seen all their
warts takes you to another level.”

Nancy’s sense of peace comes from the day-to-day living with others and getting to know them on a
deep level -- and realizing she can count on them when she needs them. Nancy experienced this truth
when the community came together to help her care for her husband when he was dying from ALS. They
helped get him up, give him massages, take him for walks, put him to bed, and provide many of the
things she couldn’t do on her own. The help and care the community provided was, to Nancy, the active
manifestation of peace and
cooperation and cemented her belief
in the value of intentional community
living.

More recently, Nancy described how
members of Songaia came together to
care for an older member on hospice
as she died. One member told Nancy
that she was not emotionally capable
of providing physical care for a dying
person. However, as the woman was
dying, Nancy saw this member deeply
engaged in the nitty-gritty aspects of
personal care, even cleaning out
basins of vomit in the woman’s final The Songaia Cohousing community.
days. As with her husband’s care, these
acts, to Nancy, are living examples of what peace means in community.

In Nancy’s words, the focus in intentional community on developing relationships means that: “People
listen; they support me, allow me to share. They offer a place of deep care. And I can do that for them. I
learn to live with people who are difficult. And I learn to live with myself, who can be difficult. Community
members help to mirror for me what is going on. Living in community is a spiritual journey which can be
disquieting but important. It’s like a marriage. You encounter the other. In the other, you see yourself, but
you also see others. Your life is interdependent on the other and the natural world. You learn that you are
just a piece of the puzzle – an important piece – but you learn ‘it’s not all about me’.”

Nancy’s point about being interdependent with the natural world leads to the next lesson:

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