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ourselves from the unpleasant aspects or our own personality? Do we unconsciously project things onto
other people, or do we lack a faculty for self-critical reflection? Are we driven by fears which prevent
us from seeing the shadow in our own eyes?

Seeing the shadow as a chance for change
Whatever the reasons for this behaviour it is a fact that these weaknesses offer each of us a chance
to change, to turn towards the light. And this is particularly true for organisations or communities
such as ours. If we are able to avoid equating the critical comment of a parent regarding his son's
dirty trousers with a personal insult, then we create the trust necessary for dialogue. This dialogue
alone provides the possibility for all concerned to bring about change. Insults and hurt feelings don't
generally solve problems, they lead, rather, to a narrowing of thoughts, feelings and actions. Thus, the
willingness to accept feedback is also a maxim for institutions and can be practised in training courses,
in staff teamwork or in the many meetings which take place. This doesn't mean, of course, that one
should accept every critical utterance without contradicting. This would convert the feedback into its
opposite. After all we are not here to become what others want us to be. It is simply about seeing the
perceptions of others as an opportunity to shed light on one's own blind spots. What the individual or
the organisation makes of it is alone a matter of personal responsibility. And, by the way, hardly
anyone is born with this talent.

What I like about you and ... what bothers me
Meanwhile it is standard practice in Brachenreuthe to ask the parents from time to time what they
appreciate about our work, but also what bothers them. Such a 'survey', done in 2001, led to an
analysis of strengths and weaknesses, and out of this concrete changes were proposed and also put
into practice. Mr. Hauburger, the parents' representative in Brachenreuthe, describes this process
within the for the parents very important framework of the school holidays and the attendant
question of childrens' staying on. Since 2003 parents may bring their children back two weeks earlier.
Then, last year we directed our attention to communication and information processes and asked
ourselves 'Where is it working, and where not?' The challenge is to continue this process of change
with awareness and not to let it fizzle out.
We have learnt that it is worthwhile to deal with failures, mistakes and the shadows, without losing
self-confidence. We gratefully acknowledge praise and take pleasure in it without holding our heads
unduly high as a result of it.

If for no other reason than the name of the author, Arizona Nashoba – this was good enough
to attract my attention. Besides it provides me a bridge from the distinguished, SIPpy
(Serious Intellectual Periodical) Communities into the FFF (Folksy, Funny, Fancy) newly
digitalized Leaves of Twin Oaks, Issue #106 of Summer 2009. This E-Leaves inaugural issue
actually represents a triple changing process: from now on you only need to push a button to
read the latest news; further we are astounded to hear that not only is the place full to
bursting point, but also, can you believe it, there is a waiting list of 15 people ready to move in
when space opens up! In addition, probably as a result of the crowded space, there is a baby
boom. By the way, the third change is that hammocks are no longer the main source of
income at TO. And finally, together with heartfelt congratulations, may I suggest a final
change: instead of the Fallen Leaves, a more appropriate new name: “Pulsating Twin Oaks”?
Just kidding!

The dreaded day in every mother's life finally arrived for me. All my children were out on their own,
scattered around the world. It quickly became apparent that living in the family home, quietly waiting
for the kids to have time to come visit me, was not a lifestyle I could adjust to. So, I sold my house
and started moving around the country trying to find a place that would feel like home. Inevitably,
everywhere I went included four empty walls that were devoid of the laughter, conversations, and
shared work that I had become accustomed to while raising my children. Working, cleaning, and
cooking for myself alone was just not worth the effort. I was stuck and I was going crazy. Empty-nest

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